..He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. – john 8:44
And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. – 2 corinthians 11:14
an entry from my journal dated September 3, 2004:
With the day falling rapidly before my eyes, I sit here wondering.. pondering a couple of things. When the sun rose this morning so much lay ahead. Now, I sit in sadness; is it life that I dread? The sky’s purple haziness is all that’s seen. The beautiful morning light of earlier was a waisted dream. A dream that I spit out..not caring of how I feel now..low. sad. waisted. dark. Id feel so much better if i’d just taken part of all that couldve been given to me today. But I passed it by hissing a curse into the sky. I hate being lonely, so occupied with regret..drowning in sorrow, suffocated by forget. The sky’s purple is now black. Night has come. Like the light, all that couldve is snuffed out as well..on this couch..in this room, ive entered some kind of hell. The flames dont really burn me, they just laugh and singe the only part that’s left of me. I’ll wake up tomorrow just a little more burnt, but maybe tomorrow I’ll be able to reach this roads end..this road i’ve paved for myself..this neverending road of hurt.
The moment in my life when my hand scribbled those words into being was ohh so dark. My mind was like a run down movie theater with a broken reel that only played the same dreary preview over and over. There was no joy in my life. A future of hope and happiness was kept just out of reach – I could never get past the previews – I could never make it to the movie. My sin had programmed my soul to believe that I was not worthy to ever experience anything of substance..anything that had purpose was just a dream that I truly believed I would never reach. Every time that I would get close to that happiness..the happiness that I so longed for, I would mess up..I would involve myself in something that just dripped with sin, and it would cause me to start over further than where I had begun. Thats how satan uses sin to ruin your life. It’s not going to be some sudden change of heart..it wont be some quick decision you make that will change your course. As it says in the verse above, he can transform into an angel of light..he isnt going to dangle ugly things before your eyes to draw you away from the Lord – he is going to make the things that could destroy your life look beautiful not like something that will send you to the grave. It’s his mode of destruction to bait you with small sins that don’t seem so bad..these small sins will keep sending you back a little bit more further from the purpose filled life that God created you for until one day you will be so far away from happiness that you will lose hope in ever reaching it..just like I was when I wrote what it written above. In your silent defiance you will slowly push yourself farther away from believing that you are even worth the change required to reach happiness. The beginning of this descent may seem innocent at first..the bad decisions you make will seem to be no big deal..but, let me tell you, from someone who has fought (and is still fighting) her way back from it..it is indeed a big deal – a life or death crossroad. Once you have completely placed yourself on satan’s path of deception you will not be able to remember the innocence it was at the start. All the little sins that once seemed so harmless will eventually lead you to a place where you cannot remember how to be good..you will not be able to identify with the person you once were. The idea of having a meaningful life with a divine purpose will have been completely wiped away from your mind and you will hate who you have become. I say all this stuff with such confidence because I have been there. It is only by the grace of God that I was given the chance to redirect my course. Even now, satan tries to fool me into falling back into the pit of despair that I found rescue from only by the blood of Jesus. If you don’t allow your eyes to be opened then you will one day reach your end just like satan wanted you to. To reject the change that living for Jesus can only give.. you will pave your way into a land of empty dreams and worthlessness. Just like the sad testament of my life that’s written above, you will find yourself chained in a life where you can never see the beauty of daylight.
There is an answer though..his name is Jesus Christ. He will take the wasteland that your life has become and turn it into a fruitful orchard. He will sweep you from the destructive path that your sin has placed you on.. He will lovingly guide you to the path which leads to beautiful things. He will turn the hate that you have in your heart into a love that you cannot explain. He will take you out of darkness and show you the light of dawn. If you surrender your life to Him you will begin to love your life.. you will begin to love yourself, for he will show you all of these things. Finding Jesus is not difficult..
And you shall seek me, and find me, when you shall search for me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13
For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. – matthew 7:8
even if you have no clue who He is or how He would make a difference in your life..if you are desperate to find an answer and everything that you have tried on your own has failed you..i urge you to give Him a chance. If you ask with a true heart he will show you who He is. In Him is life ..happiness ..hope ..redemption ..forgiveness ..love.
For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. – romans 10:13
As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. – psalm 103:12
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new – 2 Corinthians 5:17