Why we should welcome homosexuals into our churches – the thoughts of an evangelical, pentecostal Christian

I never really speak about this issue publicly.. in person or on social media. I guess the reason why I never do is exactly what draws me to write this post.

My eye was caught this morning by a headline stating, “Vatican official says homosexuals welcome. “ I am not Catholic but that headline could be interchanged with any headline from a Christian news website.

The whole idea that..” I’m a Christian. . I don’t like gay people, ” is an unfortunate brand that has been placed upon the church.. And it saddens me to say, that many times,  for good reason. But the truth of the matter is – of course homosexuals should be welcome in our churches! Any follower of Jesus who thinks any different should examine their relationship with Him. 

Now I understand that for a lot of people it’s just the changing of the social tides that make them uncomfortable with the statement that gay people should be welcomed into our churches and that is the force that drives Conservative news providers to publish articles like the one aforementioned in this post. We must remember that we live in a fallen world. We live in the enemy’s domain. Regardless of how life was in the good ol’ days. . We should not expect the world to follow the light. . Because without Jesus..There is only darkness. History is beginning to repeat itself and the prophesies from the word of God about the end of the age are being fulfilled. Early Christians were tortured, persecuted, and despised. Followers of Jesus should never expect the world to adhere to Gods plan because Gods plan brings forth happiness and life and the evil one who has temporarily usurped Gods throne over this world doesn’t want his subjects to have life. . But only sadness and death. Our mission is not to force the world into our Christian box but to show them the unrelenting and never failing love and mercy of Jesus Christ.

In the past I have sat on the pews of the F.M. Church of God as a drug addict.. I have sat on the pews of the FMCOG as a thief.. A liar. .as a person addicted to fornication and sexual immorality. . As a defiant and proud sinner. All of us have and still continue to do so every Sunday because we are all sinners and it’s only by the grace of God that we have been made right with God through repentance and by the blood of Jesus. 

I will never apologize for calling homosexuality a sin. It is what it is. But good lord! I’m glad that there was never a stigma within the church that said liars, drug addicts and thieves were not welcome to enter into God’s house. Because, if so, I would probably be dead and my soul eternally dammed to hell right now. Jesus came for the broken hearted.. Jesus came to set free the captives trapped in a bleak and lonely wasteland of sin. . Not for the righteous. 

I pray that the pews of my church will be filled by gay people. Before I was married, I sat beside my partner in sexual sin many times in God’s house. Before i was redeemed i sat under the influence of drugs many times in church. . Actually, in the past, when i would finally relent to my parents pleading and go to church . . I used to make it a point to get high before church so to numb myself to the conviction of God’s presence. But you know what? God still reached me and planted seeds of life within me.. even though i would walk right out that door and continue in my selfishness and in my refusal to serve God. . He still loved me and wanted me in his house and in his presence because He had other plans for me!

Let us all look at life not through a temporary eye piece but through an eternal one.. Not with a proud heart but with a heart humbled by the love and mercy of Jesus.

My Sword : Adderall. What’s yours?

“If you are willing and obedient,
You shall eat the good of the land;
But if you refuse and rebel,
You shall be devoured by the sword”;
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

At first, Isaiah 1:19-20 can cause one to think of God’s wrath. It can cause a person to question all the other things that they have heard about their savior.

I thought Jesus was all about grace, mercy, and forgiveness? I thought only the god of Islam devours people who do not submit! What god is this verse talking about..my God?

Isaiah’s ministry was during a time when God’s people had forgotten him. The kingdom of Israel in the north and the kingdom of Judah to the south had both fallen to pagan worship. God’s people had gradually fallen into a state of serious moral and spiritual decline. (Does any of this sound familiar?) Isaiah’s voice was calling for the people to abandon their evil ways and to come back to God. Isaiah was warning Judah of the coming struggles if they did not change. Isaiah was used by God as a last effort to call his people back to Him before His coming judgment. They did not listen. In this verse, the “sword” spoken of would come upon them in the form of a Babylonian sword in the years after Isaiah was written. Judah was taken by Babylon in 607 BC. The Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar led his armies against Judah, killing many people and destroying the Jewish temple. Babylon took captive many thousands of Jews and left Jerusalem in ruins. What would history be like if the Jewish people had listened to God’s message through Isaiah?

What will history say of you after you leave this world?

Let us look at this verse in a fuller context to get some answers. Starting at Isaiah chapter 1, verse 18, the Lord says to the Jewish people,

“Come now, and let us reason together.”
Says the Lord,
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
They shall be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They shall be as wool.
If you are willing and obedient,
You shall eat the good of the land;
But if you refuse and rebel,
You shall be devoured by the sword”;
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

Wow. and THAT is why our God – The ONE AND ONLY true and living God – IS a God of LOVE.

His judgement does not come swiftly. His judgement does not come after giving little. His judgment is a consequence of rejecting the most beautiful gift..a gift that will CLEANSE you..that will make you WHOLE. The rewards he will give you if you are obedient to him are great. He does not ask you to obey him so that he can make your life miserable. No. He asks you to be obedient to his voice so that He may bless you. So that you may have LIFE. So that you may eat the good of the land.

My sword is Adderall.

Adderall is a prescription medication for attention deficit disorder. I was first put on this medicine as a teenager in high school. Adderall is nothing but legal speed. God has spoken to me very clearly during the last few months. In many more ways than one, God has told me to lay Adderall down. His voice came at a time when I found myself addicted to it. His voice came during a time when Adderall stood between me and HIM. At a time when I called Jesus my savoir but at a time when I could not say,

Lord, you are my LORD.

this is how I look at the verse above:

Briana, if you are willing and obedient to me and lay Adderall down,
you shall eat the good of the land. Briana, I will bless you so! Don’t be afraid.
But, Briana, if you rebel and refuse to give your addiction to me –
You shall be devoured by Adderall. Adderall will destroy you, Briana. If you continue down this road Adderall will beset you and you will tread dangerously close to the land of blaspheming the Lord, your God.

What is your sword?

What is keeping you from being led to the heart of God?

Anyone who doesn’t love me will not obey me. – John 14:24

This song really touched me. I urge you to watch it. Look at the path Jesus followed when he obeyed God. Let us lay all our weights at the foot of the cross.

Father YOUR will. Not mine.

cries from a soul astray – wandering without God – post 1

I have very few possessions left from my past. When I look around my house, it is difficult to find something that was in my house 10 years ago. There are a few reminders from my past hanging on the walls around me.. there are a couple of things scattered about in my kitchen cupboard,but that’s about it. Most everything else has disappeared along with the last decade of my life. There is one piece of my past that I still have in full though. Starting with a diary that my mom got me in 1992 (reading that one is hilarious), I have all of the journals that I have written into during my life. I am so thankful to have these still.

For some reason, I’ve started pulling them out lately. I feel like I should post some of the things in them. Sharing this stuff isn’t necessarily what I really want to do here.. wow, for once in my life, im actually kind of sheepish about sharing something. Facing and sharing these sad bits and pieces of my life kind of wears on me. The feelings I get when I see these old scribblings are bittersweet. A part of me is grieved for the time I lost. Running from God consumed all of my teenage years and many of my young adult years as well. I could have been whole if I would have only held tightly to my Lord. Its hard not to ask myself,

what if?..where would I be now if I hadn’t lived in rebellion against God for all of those years?

When I do find myself pondering the “what if’s”.. I am quickly reminded by a consuming peace from the Lord that there are no “what if’s” when he is involved. He has had his hand upon my life through it all.   Every rebellious step that I took.. as I desperately tried to run away from His call..every frantic stride that I made – they were all apart of the plan he had for me and the good of my family.

Jesus can change the actual course of our lives.  IF – we let him.

If we allow him to, not only will he erase the darkness and shame of who we used to be, but he will also cause great things to come from our new lives in him. Giving your life to Jesus will change the course of history..it will change the path of your family. He will tear down and destroy the curses that have stretched out for generations over your family .. all in an instant.


Thank you my merciful father for being patient. Thank you for giving me this song to sing. I pray that  – by your mighty works – others can hear this song and be drawn to the selfless and pure love that you have for us.  Thank you my merciful father for bringing me – a lost and forgotten little ragdoll back to LIFE!

This is the first of several journal entries that I will share over the next few days. This is the background of my life that I use to help me when I am trying to measure just how unbelievable the redeeming power of Jesus Christ truly is. The words that you will soon read are the words of a girl battered by years of living for herself..a soul aching without God.

I feel that I am nothing more than a ragdoll — A pretty little ornament that was once the center of my owner’s life.

In days past, DAYS FAR AWAY FROM NOW, I heard laughter, felt such love — because I was of such use.

Now, after some endlessly dark nights, I have become nothing more than a motionless pile.

Occupant of my lonely corner — where I am forgotten.

The crimson paint that once proved my beautiful smile has dimmed to be nearly erased — and I am expressionless.

Little Ragdoll eyes stare with such desire to see the one who once loved me.

No amount of hope will bring them back.

I’ll remain this discarded little doll until the wind comes and finally unravels my soul.

With a fierceness, I will be sent into the void of a damned eternity still forgotten and unclaimed.

– dated, October 9, 2004

No matter how long you run or how much you try to fool yourself as you fill the hole in your soul with other things..we all yearn for God. We are all programed with a gap in our soul that ONLY he can fill. If you find yourself in a place of solitude and longing for love, like what is written below..hang around these next few days as we work through all of this together. Jesus gave himself as a sacrifice on the cross so that we could be made “clean” enough to go before God. The cross that Jesus died upon was stretched out across the heavens to bridge the gap that once fell between God and his fallen creation. All you have to do is ask Jesus to reveal himself to you..and he will. Tell him that you believe that he died for your sins..so that you could be made whole. He will enter into your life and work things out day by day. Jesus is not a savior of confusion.. He is the opposite of confusion. He is freedom! .


on Gods love of dirty shoes

 Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep. You, Lord, preserve both people and animals. How PRICELESS is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 36: 5-7

Sometimes I forget about how much the Lord loves me. He loves me on a level that I cannot understand. So many times we get so caught up in the “technical” aspects of being a christian that we forget about the very important fact that God has his hand on us. God loves us when we fail..God loves us when we run..God loves us when we sin. I know this is true, because I am here writing this.

Yesterday, I was sitting at my parent’s kitchen table attempting to write this. Rory was beside me on the floor playing with whatever random thing that he could find. It seemed that between every sentence I would have to take something from him or tell him, “no,no.” Finally, my constant corrections just made him mad, and in a huff of baby rage he pushed aside the the chair that I was using as a make shift baby gate and crawled out of the kitchen into the piano room. I was actually relieved to have just a moment to complete the thought that I was trying so hardly to paint onto the paper that was in front of me. It could not have been more than two minutes before I put down my pen and got up to go retrieve my son. He loves to bang on the piano and it is usually one of his favorite activities when we go over to nanna’s house. However, I heard nothing but silence..every mother knows that silence usually equals trouble. When I walked into the piano room, Rory was nowhere to be found.. so I walked through into my dads study..still, there was no Rory. The size of my house allows me to keep very close tabs on my son; yesterday was the first time that I have ever “lost” my son.

I had a little time to prepare for rory..but, with Trinitee I became a mother overnight. I’ll never forget the time that i bent down to pick up something and when I came back up Trinitee was gone. We were at a large and very busy park in Pineville..I had never felt the “panic” of a mother before. In an instant..I was introduced into motherhood. Frantic would not describe how I felt to the full extent..I was running around that park crying and screaming..I must have looked like such a fool. Finally, her little head popped out from her hiding place..she had crawled inside one of the big tires that are at this park for children to play on. That day when I ran to her and hugged her, the feelings that went through me caused me to realize what it meant to be a mother.  The feelings that shoot through the  mind of a parent during that time are hard to explain. Words cant really describe the level of peace that you have as you hold onto your child; at that moment, the life that you are tightly clutching to your bossom means more to you than the air that you breath.

yesterday, my panic quickly turned to thankfulness. The stairs at my parents house are very steep, curved, and if an adult fell from them the likelyhood that they would be severly injured or even killed is high. My 11 month old son was sitting proudly at the top of these stairs with a huge smile on his face. I flew up those stairs faster than I have ever done before..I picked up my son and just cryed as I thanked the Lord for protecting him.

Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. – Psalm 94: 17-18

When I look down and see the beautiful face of my son, I forget that one day from his smooth little chin whiskers will grow..as Jonathan hangs Trinitee’s towel up to dry after giving her a bath, Im sure that the last thing he thinks about is how this nights completed bathtime is just one more check on a short list…before he knows it daddy’s little girl wont be so little anymore. No matter how much we beg for the clock to stop and for time to exclude our children it cannot be done. The little hands that reach out for me..the tiny hands that hold onto mine so tightly..this lays upon my soul such sadness to say..but, one day these sweet little hands could become the hands that push me away. I know that this is a reality because the hands that write these words once were small..my hands that once held so tightly to my mother became the hands that also pushed her away.

It is hard for me to pinpoint when I decided to walk away from my faith. Through the years i have tried to figure out what happened to me – what caused the drastic change…i have always failed to find the answer.  I was raised..or better said..i was born into loving Jesus. The example shown to me by my parents empowered me to have a deep relationship with Christ at a very young age. I loved the Lord – He was the joy of my heart as a child. The dark force whose one goal is to drag you and me to hell (aka satan) was far too smart to try and derail my salvation overnight – it was a gradual descent. It was a slow deception that led me into the bleak wasteland that nearly became my grave. I remember on multiple occasions crying out to God..begging him to allow me to just go back – to find myself – to find that little girl who had once loved him so. Sin had blinded me to the point that I, with great sorrow, accepted my self-imposed sentence of irreversible damnation. I was dead. Emotional death, mental death, spiritual death, the only one that the grace of Jesus allowed me to dodge was physical death. Even though there were many times I pleaded with God to end me – to snuff me out. Thankyou my most merciful Savior! He had other plans for me.

For almost a decade, I was the constant tears that flooded my mother’s heart. I was the pain that cut into my father’s soul. I was the constant prayer on their lips. My parents never gave up me..they never stopped praying for me. They never gave up on the promise they were given by God. If the love of a mother and father can be so unconditional…think about the love that God has for us. God’s love is so good. All those years as I climbed the trecherous staircase into sin, I could have died at any point. Living selfishly could have sent me to an eternity in hell so many times..BUT JESUS DIDNT LET THAT HAPPEN. Even though I didnt deserve it, he kept my foot from slipping. Even though my spirit was filthy he allowed me to find refuge in the shadow of his wings.

If any ladies are reading this who have children, friends, or spouses that are running from God..dont ever give up on them. Let their name be the constant prayer on your lips..regardless of the evil that has them blinded..dont ever stop being there when they reach out for you. No matter the distance into a pit of despair that they have fallen..never let their hand go. The progress and the change that the Lord has made in me shows the power a mother’s prayer can hold.

Or if you are reading this and you realize that you are a prisoner trapped in the despair of your own guilt and self hatred..just know..there is no distance that one can travel to that God cannot reach. There is no amount of darkness in any situation that God cannot bring light to. The shoes that you may find yourself walking in during this point in your life, may not be exactly what you had planned for yourself. But dont you know? Shoes dont matter to God! Your shoes could be filthy and have holes in the sole, but that would never stop our loving Father from making sure that the foot inside of it doesnt slip. His love will NEVER fail you. God’s love does not discriminate against us because of our past or because of our faults. God’s love NEVER ends.

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. – Jeremiah 31:3


a letter to those who regret abortion

i have no political motives for this post. This post is not about right or wrong. this post is about hope.

I recently had the honor of meeting a brave young woman. I will call her “Mary.” Mary is thirteen. I don’t know much about mary’s life; the things that i do know reveal a little girl who understands what loss is. Sadly, her situation is just one example of the many broken children that are suffering the consequences of the world in which they live..a world created by selfish men and woman who forgot about God.

Mary found out that she was pregnant a few months ago. She hid it from her mother for some time. When she finally told her mother, her mother told her that she could have an abortion or she would have nowhere to live. Mary begged her mother not to make her do it and to let her give the baby up for adoption. Her mother told her that adoption would be too much of a bother.

The day that i received the email from Mary explaining what had happened I fell to my knees and wept for her..i wept for the life lost. abortion extinguishes more than the life of the unborn child..what devestates me the most about abortion is that it extinguishes a part of a woman’s soul. Abortion masquerades itself as a responsible freedom but behind its ugly mask is actually bondage that has deceived millions of women who now live enslaved to guilt and regret and the never-ending question of “what if?”

There IS a hope though in abortion. The following is what I wrote to Mary..the following is what I write to any woman who has gone through the loss of abortion:

I am not upset with you..my heart is just broken by the whole situation. I am about to speak to you like you are an adult..even though you are just a girl this is a very mature situation and this is going to affect you for the rest of your life..you may let it affect you negatively or positively..yes, there is  something positive about what has happened. I have always been against abortion but after giving birth and holding what had been inside of me for so long..after looking into my sweet son’s eyes..abortion wasn’t something that I didn’t like..abortion became something that grieved me..what abortion does to an innocent life and to its mother breaks my heart. I cry for you..I am angered by your mother forcing you to terminate a part of yourself. No matter what they say about abortion and how it’s no big deal..it is a big deal. There will be a giant hole in that woman’s soul for the rest of her life..she will always be reminded of the child that never got to be. These feelings can either do your future harm or they could bring your future joy..you can not hate yourself and live in hidden regret for the rest of your life..what’s done is done. you can’t take it back. But there is hope..your baby is safe now. Your baby is in the arms of Jesus and will never again feel pain or sadness. But you are not..you are still here on this sad planet. But, you will see your child someday..you just have to make it to heaven. Let this be a turning point in your life.. Nothing that sin can offer will ever be worth more than meeting your child in heaven some day. Jesus loves you so much Mary. Don’t live in regret because of this..live in Christ for the rest of your days. Ohh if I could only make you see how beautiful your life would be if you stayed true to Jesus. I waisted ten years of my life because of sin..and it brought me nothing but pain..I can’t imagine all the wonderful things that Jesus wanted to give me, but I didn’t get them because I was blinded by my sin. One of the reasons that I came back to Jesus was because of what happened in april of 2010. I lost my baby at 12 weeks. I’ll never forget driving home from the doctor and realizing that unless I quit sinning I would never be able to meet my child. After that, there was no amount of ”fun” that was worth me not seeing my baby. Live for Jesus Mary, so one day you’ll be able to see your little girl or your precious baby boy running towards you screaming..”mommy mommy..youre finally here!”

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – psalm 147:3

on being a fat ballerina and still getting to dance with God

I havent written in my blog in over two weeks…as I sit here now, in front of my laptop, I feel like I am visiting with an old friend. I have missed writing.. and I am finding it a bit harder to connect with the right words to paint my boring computer screen with this evening. My absence from writing for these past few weeks has driven a wedge into my mind..and I must work a little harder tonight to push it away and to write normally. Let me also just be honest here..being honest is the whole reason why I write anything on here.

I am such a work in progress..I am just a sinner with a never-ending hope in my redeemer. My walk with the Lord takes such different strides at times. My journey towards my saviour goes through dry spells, and it is not only my absence from writing that has made me feel disconnected tonight but also my absence from my Lord.. I say this in repentance and also because I have to admit this – not only to God but also to the people who read the things that I write. I can’t just write about how changed my life is all the time and not also share the downfalls and the struggles that I also face. It’s not that I’ve been doing things that I know that I shouldnt do..or like i have been blatantly sinning. Its not something that I have done but what I have not done that has caused me to feel a bit distant. I havent spent time with Him lately..I have not made the time to just tell him how much I love him. I still know He is there..I still love Him..but sometimes I just forget to tell Him that and I allow other things and the burdens of this world to block him out. But Jesus loves me even when I don’t deserve it.. it is always a brief valley that carries me away because Jesus will not ever stop loving me..the glories of God will never lessen and He will never stop showing me how much I mean to him. One of the ways that He has shown me his love is what I will write about tonight. What I will write about tonight is my loveletter to God..these are the words from my soul screaming out that my God is good..that my God is real.

A while back my friend Christin invited me to go to a bible study. On the way, we were both laughing about the odds that the two of us would be going to a bible study on a friday night. Both of us once lived very dark lives..but God is definitely in the life changing business. On the way to the bible study, Christin told me that the man who would speak also sometimes prophesied over people. To say that I had doubt and was leery of this man who people called a “prophet” would be an understatement..unfortunatly the age of snazzy tv preachers has gotten to me. My thoughts about all of the falsehoods that sadly have come to be associated with christianity made me have doubt. I am so grateful that my doubt didn’t stop God from speaking to me.  God smacked me across the face..That man spoke my life to me that night. He spoke of things that he had no way of knowing..he had never met me..I had never even heard of this man. He didn’t know me but God did.

Here are some of the things he said to me that night (this is typed verbatim from an audio recording) :

You know you got a real heart for God, you always have…He really put His heart in you..when you were younger you kinda did things your own way…until about, well really 2 or 3 years ago…God started bringing change in your life…in a big way…you grew up around the things of God. you grew up around it but you rebelled…not bc you didn’t love your parents, but because you wanted to figure some things out in your own life….and you HAD to figure it out…and God wanted to tell you He is very pleased with your life…for a long time you were very upset with yourself…you didnt really understand but the Lord told me to tell you that everything you walked through before you really walked  with Him on the level you are now, He’s forgottten…its washed away and He wants me to tell you that tonight…

let me tell you the picture i saw as im siting here looking at you…i saw Him as it were…Him dancing with you… twirling you around.  you know when you were younger you used to love to dance…and I just saw Him..just  dancing with you and he just wanted to tell you how precious that was to Him

also He told me to tell you …your children…not to worry about them so much…Hes going to touch their lives and they are never going to stray from God …youve been worried about the youngest one and the Lord told me to tell you not to worry.. that the healing touch of God shall be in his life and he shall know that he is who he is and who God wants him to be and will fulfill all the days of his life and for you not to worry…. bc God is good…. all the time.”

If anyone knows me..they would be able to give testimony to the first paragraph above. How he described my past is unbelievable. He didn’t know that I was a preachers daughter and just how close to the church I was growing up until I told him later..He didnt know my past yet he described it perfectly as only God would know it. Let my previous entries be witness to the things he said..the things that I have written about when I speak of my past walk hand in hand with what he said. Big Changes? Three years ago I lost a baby..two years ago my life was blessed with my husband’s daughter, Trinitee. As I have written before, the loss of my child was a turning point in my rebellion against God and it was the responsibilities of becoming like a mother over night that made me realize that I had to change and got me back in church..it made me realize that how I act around Trinitee will play part in molding her and that I will stand before God one day and be judged on how I influenced her.

for a long time you were very upset with yourself…you didnt really understand but the Lord told me to tell you that everything you walked through before you really walked  with Him on the level you are now, Hes forgottten…its washed away and He wants me to tell you that tonight…

Please read the entry that I wrote before this one..I wrote it before any of this. I struggle with guilt. Satan uses my past to make me feel unworthy from time to time..and the few weeks up until I was told these things had been particularly bad. But God wanted me to know that.. I am forgiven. He not only forgives us..he forgets the things we’ve done. The things that we allow to keep us from feeling worthy are things that he doesn’t even remember. HE DOESNT SEE US THROUGH OUR SINS. ONCE WE HAVE BEEN RESTORED BY THE BLOOD OF JESUS HE ONLY SEES WHO WE HAVE NOW BECOME.

also He told me to tell you …your children…not to worry about them so much…Hes going to touch their lives and they are never going to stray from God …you’ve been worried about the youngest one and the Lord told me to tell you not to worry.. that the healing touch of God shall be in his life and he shall know that he is who he is and who God wants him to be and will fulfill all the days of his life and for you not to worry.

I had to include this to show just how REAL God is. All parents worry about the people who their children will one day become..however this thought had been constantly on my mind specifically and with great severity during the weeks that led up to this. My husband and I had discussed this on numerous occasions in close proximity to when this was told to me. And what he said about Rory..wow. How can I even begin? He had no clue that my youngest child was a boy. What is absolutely astonishing is the things he said concerning my son. I will not go into things more than I need to, but.. in my heart, I feel that God led my husband and I down the road that we are traveling as parents for a purpose and it was only after much research and much prayer that we came to making a very important decision regarding our son’s health. The decision we made is one that could possibly have bad consequences, but to us, putting our faith in God and trusting in His will for Rory’s life and in His ability to fearfully and wonderfully create our son is more important than the possible consequences. Be that as it may, at the time that this was spoken to me, I had been forgetting about that faith and I had been very worried about whether or not we were doing what was best for our son. My worry and second guessing had been taking a serious toll on me and God knew it..He felt my pain and struggle..but, that night, God reassured me that He had it under control. How did that man know these things? The man who spoke these things didn’t know about them.. but God did..and God is real..and God using others to speak through is real.

I saved the middle paragraph for last. If any of you are a close friend of mine then I have told you the story of how I was in ballet as a child and how I was told that for me to continue would be a waste of money because I was too fat to ever go anywhere in the ballet world. It was true..I could have never been a ballerina because I did not (and Lord knows..I still dont) have the body needed to be a ballerina.  No matter how true a statement it was.. I never thought it until someone told me to.. i never stopped loving ballet and seeing myself as a beautiful dancer in a pink tutu until someone told me to stop. it is a statement that has haunted me my whole life.. it is a statement that has played a part in molding who I am. Those words have carved a deep wound into my mind and from them I have found many things to hate about myself over the years.

let me tell you the picture i saw as im siting here looking at you…i saw Him as it were…Him dancing with you… twirling you around.  you know when you were younger you used to love to dance…and I just saw Him..just  dancing with you and he just wanted to tell you how precious that was to Him

When I heard him say the words that you just read..something seriously was healed within my spirit. The overwhelming emotion that surged through my body was unlike anything that I have ever felt. There is nothing else that someone could say to me that would minister and bring healing to me on so many levels as what that man said to me that night. Even though.. to my ballet teacher I was nothing but another problem who would never be good enough..God saw me and I was precious to Him. What the world saw as flawed and ugly..God danced with.

I pray that the Lord will use me to touch others but I am no prophet. I don’t know specific things about people..but all I can say tonight is that God does. He knows everything about you and He loves you. All the things that this hateful world has branded you with He doesn’t see..all He can see when he looks at you, is that you are his child and that he loves you.. like a perfect gentlemen, He will always be waiting for you to accept his proprosal..He will always be waiting to dance with you.



Jesus AND Divorce? the thoughts of a once divorced preachers daughter

this entry is long, but I feel that the topic deserves all that I can humbly offer.

an entry from my journal dated January 2009:

Every road must end. Every candle, no matter the amount of wick or wax, will burn out. Every fire dies. Today Seth left. He packed up his truck and is gone. I find it quite ironic that after these years of collecting “things” together he left with what he started with 5 years ago. Today standing in my driveway I examined the contents of his packed truck.. a few pieces of cloths, a guitar, and an amp.

I was so broken at the time the above was written. I was lost. The outcome of stumbling through life in such darkness for so many years was a severely bruised spirit..and, as what the above attests to, a failed marriage. My rebellion and defiance towards God and towards Seth had finally caught up with me. By the reality of my failed marriage, the levee had finally been broken and the waters that crashed down upon me were cold. Everything I had done had failed..everything around me testified to one sad truth : I was a failure.

That day, after I watched Seth’s truck pull out of the driveway and disappear into the road ahead, I stood there, frozen in my driveway for a long time. Our marriage had been a rocky one and we had separated and reconciled a few times before that..but on that day.. I knew that it was over. I was right..the next time that I would see him would be at the courthouse when we signed the divorce papers. With the cold, white January sky hanging above me, I stood there like a statue – it’s hard to explain how I felt..I guess my best attempt would be to say that at that moment, I had never felt so alone. Standing there that day, I had never hated myself more. I remember lifelessly staring at a flower-pot which held the shriveled remains of a house plant that I had forgotten.. what had once been a beautiful plant that had been very much alive had turned into nothing but a lifeless skeleton sitting on my front porch.. I had left it outside – my actions and neglect had killed it.

It’s odd to me how short my entry was from that day. One could assume that an event that brings such painful change would be documented with more feeling.. with a greater attempt to describe the pain of divorce.. with a greater attempt to put into words the depth of the gash which has just ripped apart their heart. I don’t know why I didn’t write about that dead house plant. I don’t understand why I didn’t express the anguish that my soul was overcome by when I wrote that. I failed to paint a picture of who I had been that day – a fool standing alone in her driveway tortured by the realization that the man who she had just pushed out of her life had once been the man with whom she had shared a deep and pure love with..a fool who had killed her marriage. My select words from that day show how truly numb I had become. I didn’t express the emptiness and the panic that I was consumed with because I ran from it.. I hid myself from it because to admit how bitterly painful divorce was would have also been admitting how truly messed up living for myself had gotten me. I needed Jesus so badly then..and as I will soon explain, it was the chain of events that took place after my divorce that caused me to finally find Him again.

Wait a second,  you may say..are you talking about the same Jesus that I’m thinking of..Ive read the bible and divorce is a sin..nothing good can come from divorce. Let me remind you of what Jesus said about divorce..

But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. – Matthew 5:32

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” – Matthew 19:8-9

These are the verses that I have simply dreaded coming to in the past..these verses must have the same effect on others. The divorce rate in america is somewhere around 50 percent..I can’t be the only person reading the bible who is divorced or who is married to someone who has been divorced. Satan has used these verses to make me feel unworthy of God’s love and to make me feel like I don’t deserve to call myself a child of God far too many times.. he has crushed my spirit and made me feel as though I will not be allowed to enter heaven because I am divorced..and I am sick of it. How can satan use the holy word of God to hurt you, some might say. Look at Matthew chapter four.. Satan uses scripture in an attempt to hurt Jesus.. if he can use scripture against Jesus, don’t you think he can and will do the same to you? It was in a moment of doubt and self hate that caused me to call my father today. While reading my bible I came across a verse about divorce that completely crushed me..with tears rolling down my face I picked up my phone and called my daddy.

How my divorce would affect my father and mother is another aspect to this equation that has always caused me great sorrow.  In many circumstances, a preacher would be bought great shame by one of his children getting a divorce. I thank God that when his family is involved, the man who I call daddy is first a loving father and will not let his calling to be a pastor affect that. I thank God for a father who has  proudly walked me down the aisle twice. If my divorce has ever caused my father to be ashamed of me, I can’t say..but after speaking to him today, I do not think that this is the case. The love that brought my earthly father to tears today as he reminded me that, Jesus didn’t die in vain, cannot in any way be compared to the love that my heavenly father feels for me.

I was shocked today after I entered, “Jesus and divorce” into google. Every article that I read would make any divorced person feel unworthy and feel like they are  a useless person in the kingdom of God. One of the articles I read had the title of:

 Divorce is a Merciless Act of Unforgiveness; God Said He Will Likewise Show No Mercy,

this title alone could cause a person struggling with their faith to turn away from a God who seems so unloving. Another article titled What did Jesus Teach on Divorce, had this to say:

How ridiculous that so many people today, even professed Christians, are misquoting the Bible in a selfish attempt to justify the sin of divorce. It cannot be accomplished. Try as they may, sin is still sin, and divorce will always be a horrible sin just like abortion, homosexuality, and adultery. 

Yes abortion, homosexuality, adultery, and divorce are sins.. BUT WHERE IS GRACE?  Yes, sin is still sin.. BUT WHERE IS GRACE? Not one of the articles that I read today mentioned grace. It is this attitude that many in the church today have towards divorce that caused me to call my father today and ask him if my husband and I were sinning everyday that we continued to be married..why has God blessed me with a husband who loves me and who fears the Lord..why has God blessed me with having a beautiful daughter in my life and with the birth of my son..why has the Lord blessed me with anything; why has the Lord redeemed me from a life of solitude and granted me the family that I have longed for all of my life.. the family that I don’t deserve. The question that most confuses me is, why did it take my divorce for me to realize that I was nothing without Jesus.. the blessings that have happened in my life and also in the life of my first husband would not be a reality if we were still married. If God hates divorce so much does he hate me as well? If God hates divorce so much then why has he blessed me regardless of my wrongs?

Mercy – compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish.

Grace – a favor rendered by one who need not do so.

Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies..He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him – Psalm 103 : 4 & 10-11

Now, I am not saying that divorce is ok. Divorce is not ok. Divorce is a horrible and ugly thing..but we must remember that this is why Jesus died a gruesome and monstrous death in excruciating pain..  Sometimes I think that we forget just how ghastly Calvary was. Roman citizens were exempt from crucifixion..only slaves and non-roman criminals died by crucifixion. Cicero, a roman orator, described crucifixion to be, “a most cruel and disgusting punishment” he also suggested that, “the very mention of the cross should be far removed not only from a Roman citizen’s body, but from his mind, his eyes, his ears.” Unlike the paintings that we see of Jesus on the cross..he hung there naked for all to see..our Lord..our innocent Saviour died a humiliating death that even roman murderers and rapists were not condemned to. Before they nailed him to the cross it says in Matthew 27:34 that,

 they offered him wine to drink, mixed with  gall, but when he tasted it, he would not drink it. 

Something that many people do not know is that in an act of mercy a cup of vinegar mixed with gall and myrrh was sometimes given for the purpose of deadening the pangs of the sufferer. Gall was used as a painkiller in those days. Our Lord refused to drink it because he didn’t want anything to numb his pain or ease his suffering. He refused to go to the cross drugged and insensitive, he refused the painkiller because he had to feel the anguish and the pain of sin.. he had to taste every bitter drop of God’s wrath. He had to take the suffering from the whole world and he had to feel it to the uttermost.  He knew that there was no other way.  His death was ugly because sin is ugly.

Divorce is a sin  that causes such great pain and heartache to all who are involved..I believe that one of the reasons that Jesus spoke passionately against divorce so frequently is because he wants to protect us from that hurt..he doesnt want his children to pass through the destructive wasteland that divorce creates. I believe that he speaks against all sin for this reason..the wages of sin is death. If you continue to reject Jesus and to live selfishly in sin.. the outcome will be painful. Without Jesus sin will kill you. But thankyou my saviour! There is NO sin that one who seeks the Lord can do that the blood of Jesus cannot cover ..not adultary..not homosexuality..not abortion..not divorce. Nothing you have done will ever make the Lord unwilling and ready to forgive you..to redeem you.. to give you a brand new start. As my daddy reminded me, Jesus didn’t die in vain. He died for us.

My inability to find an article on divorce that expresses and relays the true message of christianity is a shame and something that every follower of Jesus should be motivated by. I believe that we should stop focusing so much of our energy on pointing out the sins that can keep us from God and instead pour our energy into spreading the message of how to find redemption from sin.. spreading the message of accepting Christ, putting your faith in him, and letting him influence you little by little.. as he, day by day polishes away your impurities. Is this not the message that Jesus taught.. at the root of it all is following Jesus not simple? Our finger pointing and name calling, in some ways, can weaken the importance of the sacrifice that Jesus made on Calvary…  it can turn people away from Jesus before they are ever given a chance to hear about what he did for them on the cross and what it all really means. Divorce, or any sin for that matter, is not going to keep you from entering heaven.. as long as you ask for forgiveness, seek what it is that He wants for your life, and submit to what it is that he reveals to you. Let us never forget that Jesus did not die in vain.

 We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins.  For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood.  – Romans 3:22-25

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions … For it is by grace  you have been saved, through faith — and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. – Ephesians 4 & 8

But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image. – 2 Corinthians 3:16-18

a blog for chuck

I stood there in a silent reverence..I stared into the picture that was before me as tears slowly rolled down my face. There were a few candles burning beside the urn which held the ashes of the man who had once been my dear friend.. I gently touched the man’s face in the picture before me and said a quiet farewell. As I turned around and made my way to the exit..in my mind, I scribbled the final words of a chapter in my life’s book..wiping my eyes, I marked it with a stamp of closure.

How I became dear friends with a hard living hells angel who was the same age as my father is a long and eventful story that I dont have the time to tell. The story of my friendship with chuck is also darkened with addiction and sin from my past.. none-the-less, it is a story that I am not ashamed of anymore..it is a story that I believe was written by the hand of the Almighty. I met chuck while I was in highschool. I gave his son a ride to and from school..even though I was first friends with his son, I quickly found myself going over there to hang out with chuck. Now dont get me wrong, our relationship was never anything outside of friendship..but we used to joke around about how we were soul mates separated by 30 years. We were both running from God; chuck just had a 30 year head start on me. Just as I knew, chuck also knew what was right.. there were many times when he and I, in the midst of our destructive behavior, would join hands and pray. Sometimes I wonder if the Lord heard our prayers..I know he did. Even from the lips of two wayward fools our words still made it to God’s ears. I am sure of this now because of how things came together in the end.

Praise the Lord for not giving up on me and for leading me onto a new path. The path that I found myself walking on sent me in a different direction from chuck.. the years before chuck’s death, I didnt see him all that much. I would run into him here and there..he even stopped by my house to say hello not too long ago. I just glanced over into my kitchen..death makes things so permanent here on Earth. Chuck walking into my kitchen is the last thing that I have of him here on Earth. He was about to ride his Harley to somewhere that was far away..I dont remember the place he was going to now..but I do remember him sitting at my kitchen table as I braided his hair. Sometimes I think that was the only reason that he stopped by that day..maybe he had no one else around that day to braid his hair and needed me just for that. Whatever the reason, I am glad I got to see him. Before he left, he gave me a hug and told me that he was proud of all I was doing. I told him that I loved him and that I was praying for him. His last words to me were, “briana, never stop loving me and never stop praying for me.” I would never hear  another word leave chuck’s mouth. He would hear me again though.

The morning that I heard the news of chuck being in a coma and on life support, my heart sank. He lived a very hard life and the things that he did during those last days were just too much. His body was tired and it simply gave out. The first time I went to the hospital to see him I was the only one there. I took my bible and read to him. The sound of his life support machine was the only other sound besides my voice. It was a few days before easter so I read to him the crucifixion and the resurrection. I told him over and over that the blood Jesus shed on that cross was for him too. I am no prayer warrior, but that day I rebuked satan..that day I pled the blood of Jesus over his life. Sitting there holding his hand..all that I could think of was a time many years ago that he called me crying in the middle of the night asking me to come over and pray for him..if I ever heard chuck’s heart it was on that night. Sitting in that quiet hospital room, I remembered the things chuck had said to me the night that I went to pray with him. He was scared that night.. “Jesus please remember me,” was what he had kept saying that night. As I was sitting by his hospital bed that day..I spoke those words for him.

The next time I went to see chuck in the hospital..the room was packed. Standing around him were many leather clad, “zz top bearded” bikers and a few family members. The doctors had taken him off of life support and every breath he took was painfully labored. In that small room, the spirit of bondage was heavy. I found myself  unable to pray for chuck..I called my dad. When my dad walked into that room I could honestly feel the darkness part.. im not saying that my father is God or anything..no preacher is God..but the light of Jesus was definitely radiating from him that day. My father anointed chuck’s head with oil and prayed for the Lord to grant mercy to this dying man. We left shortly after.

That night I received the call..Chuck had passed. Sometimes you just have to leave things up to the Lord..but still I grieved for my friend’s soul. I remember sitting in the living room when I received the call and the tears that followed. That was the first time that Trinitee had ever really seen me cry. “What’s wrong mommy,” she said as she gave me a hug. How do you explain to a four-year old the ramifications of sin? I told her that my friend had died and that he may not have gotten to know Jesus before it happened. She looked up at me and said something that i’ll never forget..”Jesus knew him though, mommy.” I gently kissed her forehead and went outside to sit alone on my front porch. Shortly there after I got a call from one of his family members that made me realize just how right Trinitee had been.

That evening after my father and I left the hospital Chuck came to. After being in a coma for days..after being taken off of life support..chuck woke up. It was only for a short time, but he was able to speak. He told the people around him that he had heard everything.. that he had heard me.. he had heard my father praying over him. Chuck woke up long enough to say his goodbyes and to get right with the Lord..he passed away shortly after.

When I think about Chuck..my heart rejoices. He lived a hard life..he did things that “good” men do not do..he ran from God the majority of his life..but oh the blood of Jesus! Jesus did know him..just like trinitee had reminded me. Jesus doesnt just forget about us when we sin..even though we may allow our sin to separate us from Jesus, the Lord doesnt let our sin separate us from his love. His love is always there waiting for us to embrace it. My dear friend’s life could have been snuffed out in a second with a needle in his arm..but praise you my merciful Jesus..you didnt let that happen. Chuck’s prayers from that night years ago were answered.. just like the thief on the cross who cried out to God in the last moments of his life..Jesus remembered Chuck.

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” – Luke 23: 42-43

He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. – Psalms 103:4

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee  from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens,  you are there; if I make my bed  in the depths, you are there. – Psalms 139: 7-8

on the child I lost.. the child who waits for me

Today I will share something with you that is very personal..something that I rarely speak of. Today my heart is grieved for the child that I lost. For some reason on this day, far more than others, I yearn to touch the baby that I never met. To say that I have refrained to speak of the child that I lost because of shame isnt necessarily the case..however, this statement does hold some truth. At the time when all this happened Jonathan and I were not married. We do not live in a society anymore where a young girl, without explanation, goes to live with a relative for 9 months..but still, the bible is clear about the fact that God created sex for married people and I knew that I would not be able to hide my disobedience. I remember the fear that gripped my heart as I walked the steps to my parents house..I was so afraid of their disappointment. I was so scared to see the look in their eyes and to hear my mother cry. I remember standing there for a moment trying to find the words to say..my mouth was dry and my mind was blank. With my parents just looking at me, waiting for me to speak, I finally just let the words, “im pregnant” spew from my mouth. After I said it,  I kept my head down almost like I was watching the words I had just spoken fall to the floor and shatter into a million little pieces. When I finally lifted up my head, to my surprise, my eyes were met by smiles. My mother took me into her arms. My father told me that he loved me. Yes, they wished that we had done things in the order that God tells us to, but they were not angry.. their rath did not fall upon me and my unborn child as I had supposed it would. My fear had caused me to forget something that my parents believed to be true.. something that all christians should believe to be true – For all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory, but in no way does this make the blessing of a sweet child any less precious. Today I stand up against any feelings of shame. Today I stand up for my precious child. Today I stand up for my sweet baby whose death helped me to see life again.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. – jeremiah 1:5

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.. your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book – psalm 139: 13-14 & 16

On the day of my first ultrasound, the excitement I felt was unlike anything I had ever experienced. The thought of seeing the life within me and hearing its heartbeat caused such  joy that I almost ran off the road a few times driving to the doctor. My excitement quickly turned to panic when they could not find a heart beat. My panic turned to sadness when they also could not find any indication of a pregnancy in my womb. I was 2 1/2 months when I lost my baby. Even though at 2 1/2 months gestation I was unable to feel my child move ..I still knew that within me was a life. The love and connection that I felt with something that I could not feel nor see was something that I cannot explain..it was something that caused me to lay in bed at night holding on for dear life to my stomach. How a woman recovers from losing a child late in pregnancy is something that I cannot imagine and something that my loss cannot fully relate to. No matter the stage they are in when it happens, one thing is shared between all women who have gone through this loss and that is the dream that is crushed with the loss of a pregnancy. Walking out of the doctor’s office that day, I was numb. It was early spring but still very cold out. Driving down the desolate stretch of highway that day was the saddest moment of my life. At that point, it was pain and sorrow that caused me to cling to my stomach not the never-ending love of before.  I had been traveling down the opposite side of the same highway just a short time before with nothing but hope and dreams for my new life..and just like that, as I drove home..everything was gone.

During that time in my life I was not living for God..I was running with all my might in the opposite direction of what He had planned for me. During that trip home something occurred to me that I had not considered in some time..I thought about my salvation. I thought about where it was that I would spend eternity. The loss of my child was a turning point in my spiritual life. It took something so important..a loss so painfully personal for me to realize how important heaven is. It was when I realized that I would only be able to meet my child if I made it to heaven that I began the slow turn around back to where my faith was supposed to be. Sometimes I feel so guilty when I think about my child who never had the chance to be born.. did the Lord send him or her just to die so that I might be able to find my way back home? All the days ordained for me were written in your book.. I truly believe that the life of my beautiful child that was never given a chance was not in vain. He or she was all apart of God’s plan. It was in God’s mercy that I went through all the pain and heartache of losing a child.

I cant wait to get to heaven. I cant wait to walk through those pearly gates and to see my little boy or my little girl running up to me, arms stretched wide screaming, “mommy, mommy..Ive been waiting for you!” My child was precious in the eyes of God. My child was created with a purpose. Maybe you have lost a child or maybe you have made some bad choices that you now deeply regret. Dont drown in sorrow or in guilt. Your child was fearfully and wonderfully created by God. There is hope to one day right a wrong from your past. There is hope that crushes any pain felt by anyone who has lost a child because of any circumstance. That hope is Jesus. If you are already a christian, be comforted in Him. If you are still seeking..just know that if you choose life in Him..one day the beautiful words that I long to hear you will hear also..”mommy, ive been waiting for you..mommy i love you.

and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. – John 10: 27-29

 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. – Revelation 21:4

I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more. Never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days – Isaiah 65:20

on when God grew skin. email response # 1

Several posts back,  I sent out a request for people to share with me the time when they stopped doubting God..the time when God became more than some all-powerful “wizard of oz” floating on a cloud..the time when God grew skin. Even many christians have questions about who God really is. Is he (or, excuse me..she, as some prefer) just some magical spirit in the sky that we will never touch or is there more to find in Him?  Who knows?..I am not going to sit here and try to explain God..I would be more successful in growing a tail than trying to put Him into words. That is why I want to hear from as many people as I can..that is why I ask you to please share with me the event that caused you never to doubt Him again. I would love to try to understand what it is that God is trying to tell us through the miracles that he blesses us with. I want to let God explain His love for us..I must have his help because attempting to do this myself is impossible. Without His help,  I will never be able to understand who God is.. because, as Anne Graham Lotz says in Just Give me Jesus, He stands in the solitude of himself. He is the God of Gods, The God of the Beginning, The God of Heights..but still, even in his sovereignty He is, Elohay Mikarov – God Who is Near.

The following is an email that someone sent to me in response to my question of.. “when did God become real to you?” I have not altered it, and these are the exact words that were sent to me:

One way that I have seen God work in my life was 23 years ago. He provided for me in an extraordinary way. I found out that I was pregnant; I had no money for maternity clothes. But I was looking through a JC Penny’s Catalog wishing that I could afford the clothes that I needed. I actually filled out an order form with all the clothes that I would need, just for the fun of it.  Two weeks later I received a large box of clothes from my cousin who lives in another state and had no idea of the clothes that I picked out. The clothes were the same as the ones that I had picked out. I didn’t tell anybody of the wish list that I had filled out. There was no way she could have known.  It was God showing me that he would provide for me and my family. He has provided and he will continue to provide for us.

With all the “official business” that God has before him..he still cares enough to supply the, what some might call expendable, needs of a pregnant woman who is asking for clothes. How could he become anymore “touchable” than this. What do you think that God is telling us through this miracle? Through his acts, I think He may want us to know that He is also – the God who places himself into our situation and views even our smallest request as something worth answering.

 And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing..And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? – Matthew 6:28 & 30

  if you feel led to share your story with me please email me at therefurbishedrogue@gmail.com